I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
