Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize