I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Are we still banned from the library?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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