really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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