Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
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I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
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Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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