Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
