If that was your dad, he is hot
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
