You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
