Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
there is glitter all over my balls
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