i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
