my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
