Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
