Plan B is the new Plan A
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
