I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
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