I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
