We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Randomize
