i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Randomize
