I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
