Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
