i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
