I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
