i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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