I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
