You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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