They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
