only you would photoshop your dick
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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