I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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