I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
