Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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