Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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