I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
