You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
