Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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