she was so not down for the gang bang
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He passed out mid-signature
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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