So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
