I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
