and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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