Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm like, not good at living.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
