Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
