Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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