come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
