maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
