dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
