She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
