I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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