i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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