Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
