I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
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I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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