summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
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We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
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Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
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