Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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