I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
