Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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