carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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