don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Randomize
