Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My liver just had a heart attack.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
