The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
