You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
