I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
