I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
