The maid of honor just puked.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
