Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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