cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
