sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
