That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
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