Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
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