My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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