and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
