Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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