More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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