i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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