i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
