good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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