mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
