Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
